…behave so poorly.
…send that accusatory email.
…stoop to his level.
There was a running theme of regret amongst friends and clients this past week.
We’ve all been there: wishing we could rewind time so that we could get a second chance at acting differently, and therefore control the outcome to be the opposite of what it is right now.
But WHAT IF THE OUTCOME IS EXACTLY HOW IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE?
Do you know how I know it is exactly the way it is supposed to be??
Your flawed and shameful behavior included?
BECAUSE THAT’S HOW IT HAPPENED!
wait for it…
Drumroll for the eyeroll pleeeeeassse…
When you argue with reality, you suffer… but only 100% of the time.
THANK YOU, LADY BYRON KATIE!
This doesn’t mean we do back-flips over lashing out on our loved ones, and give ourselves a nice pat on the back for our not so emotionally mature behavior.
But it DOES mean we get to take full responsibility and do some deeper digging on what our words and actions were really about, ALL THE WHILE LOVING OURSELVES THE MOST throughout the process.
Because unfortunately, the person on the receiving end of your negative behavior may pull back, judge you, or no longer want to be as close, whether that’s permanent or temporary.
And the natural reaction is to then shame and blame yourself for “effing things up.”
BUT HOW DOES THAT ACTUALLY SERVE YOU??
So often, we look for someone else to forgive us, and if they don’t, we ALLOW OURSELVES TO FEEL DOOMED.
But what if your only job was to FORGIVE YOURSELF?
I know— it’s the antithesis of what my early childhood catholic education taught me, BUT we don’t get to control the reactions of our loved ones!
We only get to pull ourselves up my our bootstraps, forgive the past, and do the work on ourselves so that we KNOW we will show up differently in our future.
But Claire, I’m scared I WON’T SHOW UP DIFFERENTLY.
I 100% guarantee you will show up differently in your relationships when you commit to DAILY MINDSET WORK.
Your thoughts create your results.
And if someone isn’t willing to forgive you or no longer wants you in his or her life, that ACTUALLY ISN’T A REFLECTION OF YOU— it’s a reflection of THEM.
I don’t say this from a place of judgement on them.
We are ALL doing the best we can, based on our unique veils of perception that were born from past experiences.
Finally, I’d like to leave you with this:
NOTHING IS PERMANENT.
This doesn’t mean you should hold out hope that the person you disappointed could come running back, but I’ve lived long enough to know that THE RIGHT PEOPLE ARE SHOWING UP AND LEAVING, AT THE EXACT RIGHT TIME.
I had a broken friendship for three years— one I was very resistant to repairing because of MY OWN ANGER and JUDGEMENTS— that is now one of the most meaningful friendships to me.
And there are two men in my life who I had very deep and intimate connections with, who I now consider dear friends— whenever I reach out to them, they’re there, and vice-versa.
I have a chuckle to myself whenever we connect, because my heart at one point had been CONSUMED with them, and when the relationships dissolved, I thought, “NEVER AGAIN!”
But the universe has a savvy way of working if you just show up to the present moment, do the work, and allow the chips to fall where they are SUPPOSED TO.
Surrender. Surrender. Surrender.
HAPPY CLAIRE YOUR MIND MONDAY.
I have ONE SPOT LEFT for my one-on-one coaching program.
GAH!!! This makes me SO excited.
I will be taking a break from taking on new clients for the months of October and November, and most likely, MY PRICES WILL GO UP IN DECEMBER.