My client special requested I write about the poignant question, WHO WOULD YOU BE WITHOUT THAT THOUGHT?, designed by my idol, Byron Katie.
He said, "I ALWAYS FORGET TO ASK MYSELF THIS QUESTION!"
He's in a challenging situation-- wanting to end a relationship with someone he cares about deeply, but knows there isn't a future with her.
It's a two-fold issue-- not only does he not want to hurt her, but he genuinely is going to miss his best friend, who he truly loves as a person.
And trust me-- life coach over here has worked with this incredible human for a long time, so I've proposed every angle to see if it's possible to make this loving relationship with a ton of mutual respect and care, work, but it's clear that this very self-aware, articulate man knows it's time to part ways...
at least for now.
So we've gotten clear on the result he wants to create-- end the relationship--but as the last couple of weeks have unfolded, he ain't doin' it!
Because of his...????
As his coach, it's not my job to tell him what to do. It's my job to offer how he can shift his mindset to move through difficult decisions and not be afraid to feel the uncomfortable feelings.
I made it clear that he could stay with her and choose happy thoughts, or leave her and choose happy thoughts, as this wasn't an unhealthy, dysfunctional relationship. (obviously pain and loss will inevitably unfold through parting ways, but when I say "happy thoughts" I mean that he's completely clear and self-owned and knows he can tap into happiness with or without her)
During our session this past week, I paused for a second before I bluntly stated: Alright I'm just going to say it:
"You know you want to break up with her, but you're trying to convince yourself to stay because you don't want to hurt her or yourself."
Without skipping a beat, my millennial male client said, "PROBS."
We had a cathartic guffaw before I presented him with the question:
WHO WOULD YOU BE WITHOUT THE THOUGHT, "Breaking up with her is going to be SO hard?"
I'd be someone who moves through the pain NOW instead of putting it off, because it's never going to be a good time.
He also acknowledged that if the roles were reversed, he would WANT HER to end the relationship instead of staying in it because she feels bad or would miss the comfort of him...
Does it make breaking up any easier? HELL NO.
But asking, WHO WOULD I BE WITHOUT THE THOUGHT? invites us to continue to always choose tapping into our authentic selves-- all the uncomfortable feels included-- so we can lay our heads on the pillow, knowing we honor our TRUTH, every damn night.
Pain, loss, sadness, fear, ARE ALL EMOTIONS WE ARE MEANT TO EXPERIENCE IN THIS LIFETIME.
They aren't BAD, my loves. They're just feelings most of us have never been trained to handle.
I know for myself, as my business has rapidly grown in the last 6 weeks, I've had the thought:
"I'm never going to be able to sustain this magical growth!"
When I ask my brain, WHO WOULD I BE WITHOUT THIS THOUGHT?, I don't need a second to think of who I'd be and really, WHO I ALREADY AM-- otherwise I wouldn't have had this incredible amount of success.
I'd be/am a woman who knows her worth, is proud of the profound VALUE she offers her clients, is unapologetic about her prices, and who walks the walk she trains others to do, all the while owning her own inevitable trip-ups, and how she moves through them.
GAHHHH! It makes me giddy to reread the above truth of my SOUL.
What thought are you THINKING that's holding you back from living YOUR truth?
WHO WOULD YOU BE WITHOUT THAT THOUGHT?
Don't let your mind dictate your happiness or any kind of victim-y circumstances, my loves.
I'm living proof that when you change your thoughts and commit to supporting how the more FREEING thoughts are true, YOU WILL CREATE MAGIC BEYOND YOUR WILDEST DREAMS.
Lots of love,
PS Interested in working with me? For the month of August, I'm offering an incredible deal for my 12 month 1:1 coaching program. Contact Me for a FREE CONSULTATION to see if we'd be the right fit!